True story: A few years back I was working with a client
who had recently moved to Los Angeles. She was single, did not know many
people in the big city, and felt a little lonely. I innocently suggested she
give online dating a shot. It seemed like an easy and pressure-free way to meet
people, and I had other clients who enjoyed their experience and were in good
relationships as a result.
"What kind of desperate person do you think I am?!?" she
snapped. She apologized, but explained that she felt "weird" about online
dating. This perked my curiosity, so later I asked some of my other clients if
they ever tried it. Some only confessed after their faces turned three shades of
crimson. Since I am a strong proponent of online dating, I dispel any stigma or
embarrassment when I recommend it to my clients. This is what I tell them:
For many singles, life moves like Richard Petty around the
Talladega Speedway. We change jobs every few years. We relocate more frequently.
We cannot remember the last time we answered a phone with a cord. Even if time
is not the issue, some single people cannot shake the feeling that everyone else
is happy while they are always alone. We may look at online dating as an act of
desperation, because "normal people don't need something like that."
The simple fact is that you are not weird if you use an
online dating service. We only feel weird when we think we are doing something
outside the norm. Consider this: over 40 million people in the US access online
dating websites every month. It is the fastest growing sector of online content.
There is no reason to feel embarrassed, because if you date online you are
actually part of a huge group.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to find someone
special, or at the very least make some new friends, so why not use every
resource available to you? You do not get extra points for meeting someone in a
bar or while waiting for dry socks at the Laundromat. Does it matter to you how
you met the important people already in your life? You probably barely even
think about it.
By setting up a personal profile and a list of likes and
dislikes, you invest time in yourself. More importantly, you are taking action
by trying to improve yourself and your situation. You are putting yourself out
there and taking control by refusing to be lonely and isolated.
I have found many advantages to the Internet. The
anonymity of online dating allows you to roll out of bed, hair standing in ten
different directions, breath smelling like Boston Harbor at low tide - then
click! You stumble on a person you will be dating in a few weeks. The cost
compared to going out and searching is next to nothing. You can learn more about
a person's interests to see if they mesh with yours. You do not have to deal
with the harshness of rejection in person. You have a huge pool of people to
explore (remember, 40 million!) from all walks-of-life, people you would never
have the chance to meet within your neighborhood or small circle of friends.
There is also fraud and deception. You will probably come
across a photo that looks eerily like Pamela Anderson - right down to the
copyright in the lower corner. Clients tell me about married people posing as
single. Nevertheless, these issues of honesty exist both on and off-line, so do
not let that stop you from finding the partner you want.
With 43% of the U.S. population being single and with so
many single clients asking me about Internet dating, I began to put a guide
together to help my clients use this service effectively and safely and avoid
these pitfalls. I want everyone to find the happiness they deserve and want to
make this Tool book available to everyone for Free! To get your free E-Book,
"Tools To Internet Dating" go to
